currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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