i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
