Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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