dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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