The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
