so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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