I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
