im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We had to coat check the pizza.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
