i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
