if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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