Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The best revenge is premature balding
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
