She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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