i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
