if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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