when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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