i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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