Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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