Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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