thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
