So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
