Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
