she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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