dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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