Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
