I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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