I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
