people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
