i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
