I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
