I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
