I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
