I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
