I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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