ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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