just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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