i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
