Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you like me you must not know who I am
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
