He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
