if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
