I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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