dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
