I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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