I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
