are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
