I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My vagina is officially offended.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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