Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
