Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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