Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
