Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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