i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
