Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
