I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
