i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
