You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
