She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
