i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
