We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
