My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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