i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
