One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
