I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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