What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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