Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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