My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
