these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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