His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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