I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize