dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
