Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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