And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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