Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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